


Bertha Does Barns

by LittleMissO



Category: Holby City
Genre: non Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-05 22:07:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16375871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMissO/pseuds/LittleMissO
Summary: I'm a great fan on Bernie Wolfe loves Barns on Twitter. I saw the Bertha does barns post (which is where the first lines of the story come from), and the request for a fanfic. I couldn't resist. It's a piece of (I hope) pure fun and not to be taken too seriously - but, with luck, enjoyable! Do let me know what you thinkMany thanks to @barnsaregood for all the laughs your feed has given me!





	Bertha Does Barns

“But then, when I downloaded the films, it turned out that the “Bertha Does Barns” series was just a whole load of pornography! It was just so disappointing. And really disrespectful to the barns concerned.” finished Bernie, finally. Serena, who had been listening patiently, was regretting asking Bernie if she had enjoyed her day off. She wondered what Bernie really thought she had been downloading. After all, “Bertha Does Barns” was only a hop skip and a “Carrie Does Camper Vans” away from “Debbie Does Dallas” - and surely everybody knew what kind of a film that was!

“Well, I am sorry to hear that” said Serena, “Must get on though. Patients to see. People to treat” she adds rapidly, and somewhat over cheerfully. She gestures with the clipboard she is carrying towards the full beds on the far side of the ward and hurries off faster that Bernie can say “Barns”, or, indeed, say anything involving or relating to barns.

Serena had honestly never understood what it was about barns that fascinated her co-lead so very much. She had sat through many lengthy conversations (or more accurately, monologues) on the topic and was still none the wiser. She had noticed how animated Bernie became on the (all too frequent) occasions the topic came up. How her face beamed and the passion that lit her eyes. What I wouldn't give, thought Serena, to have her look at me that way. It wasn't for lack of trying, Serena ruefully admitted to herself. She'd been drawn to Bernie from the first time the had met. Now they we co-leading AAU the attraction was only growing. 

Serena had been relentless in her attempts to let the woman who occupied her thoughts know that she was more than interested. There had been gifts of coffee, dinners at restaurants with extensive wine lists, smouldering looks over glasses of Shiraz (usually guaranteed to reduce their target to putty in her hands), all had failed. She'd arm wrestled her (in the hope that something so left field might do the trick), massaged her back and nothing. Heck, she'd even given her a Trauma Unit – and still nothing. She was all out of ideas to get her message across.

 

That evening found Serena at home and at something of a loose end. The house was quiet as Jason was spending the night with Alan. Serena, taking advantage of this, was sitting curled up on the sofa looking forward to an evening of viewing of her choice (which ruled out quiz shows, documentaries and certainly World's Strongest Man). Well, that was what she was supposed to be doing. What she was actually doing was flicking aimlessly through Netflix, trying (and failing) to find something to pique her interest. It didn't take long for her to give it up as a bad idea and to head for the kitchen in search of Shiraz .

Grabbing a glass and the first bottle that came to hand she expertly opened it and started to pour. Looking down distractedly at the bottle to see what Shiraz, exactly, she has chosen to drink she sees that the label has a very elegant line drawing of some sort of rustic barn on it. She jumps as the image brings Bernie straight to mind, like some pavlovian response. I'm acting just like an adolescent school girl with a crush, Serena berates herself as she mops up the wine that she splashed over the glass and onto the worktop.

She sits down at the kitchen table, takes a sip of the wine, and is instantly soothed by the rich fruity liquid. As she relaxes her mind begins to drift and she recalls the conversation she had with Bernie earlier. Bertha does Barns. Really? Who would make “barn porn”? Who would want to watch it? Serena wonders if Bernie was making it up, if it was some kind of joke? Her eyes settle on the laptop left out on the table after she finished off the last of the hospital paperwork earlier. One way to find out, she thinks, and pulls the laptop closer.

A few clicks, and keywords later and she can see that, yes, Bertha Does Barns really does exist. She looks carefully at the search engine results, takes another large gulp of wine and considers. Wonders what the attraction is. Wonders if…. Oh hell, she thinks as she clicks on the first link.

It's some while later that Serena sits back in her chair, her face an interesting shade of red. Oh my! she thinks as she finishes the last of the wine in her glass. She attempts to refill it, but realises that the bottle too is empty. She gives it up as a bad job and ignores the increasing desire to open a second bottle.

Goodness, she thinks, I had no idea that barns had that much, um, potential. It was quite… (she starts ineffectively fanning herself) something. And the flexibility! I hadn't realised you could get hay there. I still don't know how they hay got there…. Deep in thought, Serena clears her search history, shuts down her laptop and heads to bed.

The following morning sees Serena at her desk efficiently working her way through her triple shot latte. She hadn't slept well, her dreams had been disturbing, full of images of barns, Bernie, Bernie in barns, her and Bernie in barns.... Having given up on sleep she had decided she may as well come in early and make a start on the next round of paperwork. She looked at the pile of paperwork on her desk and sighed. Then looked at the much larger pile on Bernie's desk. At least she didn't have as much to get through as Bernie she thought. Then she noticed what was on top of one pile.

It wasn't until a good while later that Serena heard the door of her office open. She didn't see who it was coming in as she was too busy rapidly depositing her reading matter in her desk drawer. Her suspicion that it was Bernie confirmed as she heard her co-lead say

“Morning Serena.” cheerfully. “I won't disturb you, just wanted to grab my...” her voice trails off as she starts searching ineffectively amongst the papers and files littering her desk.

“Everything OK?” Serena asks.

“Yes, fine. I was going to take my break now and I wanted to read the latest edition of Barns Monthly that arrived this morning. I thought I left it on my desk, but I can't see it. Can you?”

“No, I can't” Serena said truthfully. After all, she couldn't see it. Not since she'd closed it in her drawer, anyway. “Sure it will turn up at some point. Probably buried itself under a pile of papers on your desk.”

“Probably. I'll just have to manage without. I'll let you get on then” Bernie says as she leaves the room. Serena's eyes follow her as she goes. How does she manage to make those scrubs look so good she wonders. Once she is out of view Serena retrieves the magazine from her drawer and lazily flips the pages. It's then that an advert catches her eye, and the beginning of a plan starts to form. 

Could I? , she wonders. Would it be too much? Would it work? Making a careful note of the number she needs she decides that, if she hasn't talked herself out of it by then, she'll make the call that evening. But between now and then there is a pile of paperwork to finish.

 

It takes a few days, but Serena's plan starts to come together, much to her delight. It's the following Friday morning that Serena gets the phone call she has been waiting for and the last piece is in place. The only thing she needs to do now is wait for the right moment to speak to her Co-Lead. She can't believe her luck when that very afternoon, in the midst of a rare lull on the ward, she finds herself sitting in her office with Bernie and her Co-Lead brings up the very topic Serena has been trying to work her way round to.

“I'm not sure I can stand the excitement any more,” says Bernie rather abruptly.  
“Sorry?” questions Serena, with no idea what Bernie means.  
“My life. It's just one whirl of excitement, It's Friday night and I just can't decide how to spend it. Do I stay here and and finish my pile of paperwork, or head home to a microwave meal for one and old episodes of Barnwatch? Making the decision is agonising!”

Realising this may be exactly the opening she is looking for. Serena asks  
“Sounds quite the dilemma. Should I take it that you have no firm plans for tonight then?”

“Not exactly, no.” says Bernie “Unless, unless maybe you'd like to head to Albie's for a drink?”

“That would be lovely, and usually I'd say yes like a shot, but I have plans tonight.”

“Oh. Never mind.” says Bernie crestfallen. “Some other time, perhaps?”

“Oh, definitely” replies Serena quickly. “But if you are free, I could use your expertise tonight. If you'd like to that is...”

“Well, of course, be glad to help if I can. What was it you needed my expertise for?”

“I can't say, It's sort of a secret. If you're OK with that.” says Serena nervously.

“Woman of mystery. I like that. I'm in.” Bernie says with a beam.

“We aim to please” replies Serena, complete with a breath stealing smouldering look. “See you back here at the end of the shift?” she says as she stands and leaves the office.

The afternoon continues to be quiet, so Bernie and Serena are both ready to leave as their shift ends. Serena is rather glad that neither of them had been caught up in a last minute emergency, she's not sure her nerve would have held. As it is, when she walks back into the office at the end of her shift and sees Bernie already there in jeans so tight it looks like she's been poured into them, Serena is barely able to say  
“We'll take my car.” before leading Bernie out to the car park.

 

They drive away in a comfortable, companionable silence. Neither of them feel the need to break it until they reach the outskirts of Holby about ten minutes later.

“I must admit that I'm intrigued. Where exactly are you taking me?” asks Bernie.

“Not far now” Serena replies.

“OK. Different question. What exactly do you want me to do?” Serena gulps at the possibilities this questions raises, and concentrates on not crashing before she answers evasively.

“Well, I was hoping that I might be able to get your opinion on something that you seem to be very knowledgeable about.” 

“Well, of course, if I can. But I should warn you that my only areas of expertise are trauma surgery and barns.” says Bernie, still none the wiser. It's then that Serena pulls off a quiet road, into a field and stops just in front of a small, shabby barn. A soft “Oh” escapes Bernie's mouth as she takes in what's in front of her, her face a picture of delight.

“I was wondering what you thought of this?” Bernie barely hears her as she has jumped out of the car and is already examining the exterior of the barn with great enthusiasm. Serena gets out rather more sedately, leans against the car and watches as Bernie rushes around like an over excited puppy. She hears Bernie call the occasional comment about beam strength, structural integrity and various other technical terms that mean very little to Serena, but she is more than happy watching the pleasure on Bernie's face.

It's not long before Bernie returns to the car and says,  
“It's just a shame we can't see inside. I'd love to know what...”

“Who says we can't?” cuts in Serena. “The door's open.” but by this point Bernie is already striding towards the barn leaving Serena to follow in her wake.

If Bernie had been enthusiastic about the outside of the barn she is in absolute paroxysms of excitement about the inside. Serena watches with delighted amusement as Bernie exclaims and squeals over every new discovery. She allows the technical talk to wash over her, focusing on how much Bernie is enjoying herself.

It takes a while, but Bernie eventually comes over to Serena and says.

“You certainly know how to show a girl a good time!”

“Do I take it that you approve then?” 

“Very much so. It's just the kind of barn that I'd buy, if I could.”

“That's good to know” says Serena with relief, as she pulls a key from her trouser pockets “because I brought it.” she states calmly, and as she holds out the key to Bernie “for you”.

Serena watches closely as a carnival of emotions run riot across Bernie's face.

“It's amazing, you're amazing. I love it. But I don't understand – why would you go to all this trouble for me? Do all this for me?” says Bernie, clearly not quite sure what is happening here. 

Serena steps forward so she is standing inches away from Bernie. It's now or never, she thinks. She meets Bernie's eyes and says.

“Because I like seeing you happy. Because I'd do almost anything to make you happy. Surely you know by now that I like you? That I more than like you?”

And Serena can almost see the cogs in Bernie's brain turning as she figures out exactly what Serena is telling her, and her face lights up, lights upso much more than it had when she first saw the barn. Serena thinks that she might have been blinded by it if Bernie's lips hadn't met hers at that precise moment and her eyes hadn't shut as she melted into the kiss that had so been worth all the waiting.

 

It was quite some time before Serena and Bernie emerged the barn, both looking more than slightly rumpled and much less tidy than they had when they had entered, but both wearing matching broad grins. Barns clearly did indeed have huge potential though Serena, as she and Bernie walked hand in hand to the car, and she now knows exactly how the hay had got there!


End file.
